Dating after 40: How to Stop Playing the Dating Game and Start Taking Back Control of Your Love Life

Whether the result of divorce, the end of a long-term relationship, or finally realizing that the career you love will never love you back, you’ve found yourself single again and dating after 40. Because it can often be disorienting and scary to find yourself unmatched at this stage in your life, you may find spending nights out at bars to meet new guys or racking up as many dates as possible via an online dating service to be the one thing on your to-do list that you wish you could somehow avoid.

But if you can learn how to get into the dating pool with your dignity intact and stop playing games, you’ll learn that dating can be fun, empowering, fulfilling and put you on the right road to finding a passionate committed relationship with a guy whom you adore. Here’s why dating with dignity can put you back in control of your love life:

1. You’re Taking a Step Back

One of the major advantages you have at 40 and above is the experience, wisdom and sense of self you’ve gained throughout your life. By reverting back to the “gaming” days of your 20s and 30s, you’re basically shoving those assets into the closet as you reach for your skimpy party dress.

If you slowly ease back into dating by letting those all important characteristics guide you, you’re bound to find someone who will provide you with long-term happiness in no time. Trying to seduce a man may “work” if you’re measuring your success by getting a sexual proposition; however, setting yourself apart by being sexy and flirtatious without actually having sex will communicate to men that you’re a catch worth waiting for.

2. Men Over 40 Aren’t Any Better Than Those Under

We’ve all dealt with snakes throughout our dating careers, and unfortunately there are players at any age. However, like you, there are men over 40 who are single because of unforeseen circumstances and are truly looking for someone to fall in love with. While you may need to do a little digging to find them, being patient and enjoying the process of dating will ensure you don’t burn out before you find your lucky guy. When you appreciate the journey as well as the destination, you’re more like to avoid dramatic ups and downs that can rob you of your confidence, enthusiasm and hope!

3. “The Game” Never Works for Anyone

While online dating can be a wonderful resource to meet men, using it to simply fill up your dance card and keep your phone constantly buzzing will only result in a string of fun flings that quickly fizzle into superficial has-beens. Instead, use an online dating service strategically in order to find someone of quality. And while a handful of nights in bars or upscale clubs with your girlfriends can be just what you need after a wrenching break up, it’s most likely not the ideal place to meet a relationship-ready man. Focus your time on trying something new or diving back into an abandoned hobby; not only will this occupy your mind and push your boundaries, but it may lead you to someone who shares your interests as well and is just right for you!

Finally, apply the “golden rule” and treat the men you date with respect, kindness and compassion. Want to avoid dating men who disappear? Make sure you don’t turn into a vanisher as well. Use direct communication, let go of feeling guilty for telling someone he’s not a match, and give men the benefit of the doubt until he’s proven otherwise. Being positive, confident, compassionate and open-minded will help you take back control of the dating process and take you to the finish line with your dignity and self-respect intact.

@Calabar_links